The bipolar haze

I have had another emotionally exhausting day. Dealing with people's mental health issues day after day after day can really work on you. I love my job, really I do, but I just get worn out sometimes. I guess that's why I like to take lots of vacations, I get emotionally drained and I just need to recharge. My patients don't know I have bipolar disorder. Its a boundary thing. I'm the caretaker and caretakers don't have issues. At least that's what people like to believe. I mean, I don't really have "issues" per se but I certainly can empathize with them. I almost told one of my patients today that I have bipolar disorder. He was telling me that he knows when his mood is not completely stable because he frequently feels like he is in a fog and even his vision is hazy. And I wanted to say I KNOW!! THAT IS SO HOW IT IS!!!!! I wouldn't say I feel foggy that way very often, but it happens often enough that its bothersome. I think sometimes I come across as being dumb or ditzy because of it. Its like my brain is foggy and sluggish and at those times I really have to put a lot of effort into simple conversations to stay on track. So, I wish I could tell my patients that I know exactly how they feel. They so often feel like others don't understand them. That others just don't get it but I do. Other people will say that they have felt that way too, that their memories aren't very good either etc etc. But its not the same. What makes it harder for us is that much of the time, we are perfectly clear. Our thoughts are crisp and sharp and we can conquer the world at times. Then the bipolar haze sets in again.(like today). This is a very frustrating illness to deal with.

Leeann came home from the hospital today! I am so happy for her! Its been a long couple of weeks but life is going to get good for her now! I am seriously going to start dieting now. We are going to be weight loss buddies. Its time to get serious. I have been doing my 45" of exercise 3 days a week. I have been trying to get up in the mornings at 6 but I am so tired in the mornings. My snooze alarm gets hit a lot between 6-7 am! Chanel is not being very fair about this fitness challenge. She is working out 6 times a week! Come on! Who does that? We'll see how she does once school starts back next week.

OH! I almost forgot. GO GATORS!!!! I just love those boys! They have made me proud.