A whole 12 dollars?

Today was a regular, pretty normal day. Worked out this morning, showered and went to work. It wasn't until 1/2 way through the day that I realized, "hey, I'm having a good day!" I was trying to figure out why today was so much different than any day last week. Last week, it was all I could do to get up in the mornings and go to work. I would spend much of the evening before dreading the next day. The thought of listening to people talk about their problems all day was really getting to me. But, I've realized that about one week a month I go through this. I just have a completely un-Lisa like attitude toward work. But this week, so far, so good. I've been kind of tracking it for the last 4 months. I keep a mood chart online to monitor my moods. I definately hit a slump one week a month. So I am beginning to figure out that this is probably just a mood cycle. I have talked about this with my psychiatrist in the past and he just wants to up my meds. I'm just not going along with that. I will just have to learn to deal with it as it comes. My job is very rewarding and I love all of my coworkers and on good weeks, its hard to imagine me doing anything else for a living.

Sienna called today. She is hoping to get a job as an assistant manager for Cato. Apparently the district manager really likes Sienna and wants her to come and work for her. She will find out for sure tomorrow. I'm excited for her but I was sure to emphasize to her that school comes first. I hope that she will have good insight and realize that in the long run, she will do better if she finishes school. She's got a pretty good head on her shoulders so she will probably keep her priorities straight.

Leeann is doing so well. She's adjusting to her new stomach and is even eating real food now. Yippee! I'm so proud of her for being so strong through all of this.

We got the last pieces to our new bedroom today. It all has come together very nicely. And yes, I am still incorporating running and jumping on the bed into my fitness program. I think I'm getting pretty good gluts too from doing that. Rick even said he could bounce a whole $12 worth of quarters off of my butt. Hmmmmmm.........not sure if that's actually a compliment. (I think to him it is!) ;-)

Have a good Wednesday!!

Sorry, no sale.

Rick has decided not to get a TV right now. We went to Best Buy again yesterday so we could look at the TV we wanted while it was playing SD. It looked horrible. Rick kept asking me what I thought about it and I wouldn't say one way or the other because I wanted a new TV so bad. But it really did look bad. The smaller TVs didn't look too bad in SD but we really had our hearts set on the 60" Sony. He said maybe in a few months when there are more HD channels and the HD DVRs are less problematic then we would think about it again. I'm a little (okay, a lot) disappointed but Rick's right, as usual. This just isn't the time for us. It will be a relief to talk about something other than TVs at dinner time.

We have had a wonderfully lazy weekend. I spent a lot of time working in my scrapbook room. I spend a couple hours scanning in old baby pics of Chanel. I want to get all of my pics on the computer so that they will last a very long time. Chanel was so cute!!! We are about the same size now so its hard to believe that she fit between my wrist and my elbow once upon a time. She was only 5# when she was born. Like a little baby doll. Now she is graduating college and getting married. It doesn't seem possible. Next time I have a free weekend, I'll scan in Sienna's baby pics.I have a lot of scrapbooking to do! Its been fun to reminisce today.

Hope you have a happy Monday!!

I just finished talking to Sienna, my youngest. She's having friend problems. It seems that her best friend has moved on. They don't have any time to be together and they have grown apart and of course, Sienna is hurting. It takes a lot of work to keep a friendship going. I guess that's something she will learn in time. She's only 18 and she'll have a broken heart many more times in her life and that is so unfortunate. I wish I could shield her from that. I have always been one of those kinds of moms who swoop in to save the day. It kills me to see my girls suffer in any way. But there are some experiences kids just have to go through. She's had it kind of rough the last few months. She insisted on moving out on her own and while her dad and I are trying to help her financially, she is still struggling. She was failing school for a while but she rallied finally and actually ended up doing very well. She's had problems with her job. She has had a lot of guy trouble. I wish I could make it all better, but I can't. Its all part of growing up. I wouldn't be 18 again for anything. Though when I was 18 I was married and had a baby and had moved 3000 miles away from home. Now that was rough. We all make choices and have consequences for those choices. You just have to make the best of it.

Chanel called me last night and had another great idea for a business venture. " A Tisket-A Tasket" She wants to start making celebration baskets. I guess she thinks there will be quite a market for them in Cookeville. I think its a cute idea. But she is taking 18 cr. this semester, and she has to work 10 hrs a week for her internship, and she has to work 10-20 hrs a week for her catering job. Plus, she has a wedding to plan. The girl is certainly ambitious. But I think oftentimes she bites off more than she can chew. I think she will be very successful in her life. We just need to get her out of college! Its been a long 5 years!

Rick and I are going to have a quiet weekend this weekend. Its been a long time since its been just the two of us on a weekend. I miss that. If only my phone would quit ringing. I'm trying not to answer it. We think we have decided on a TV but Rick wants to go to Best Buy one more time to see if we can see the TV in Standard def. ugh. So, now that that decision is almost made, its time to start considering the surround sound system, the receiver, the DVR, the new stand to put the TV on. I honestly don't know if I can take it. We'll just do one component at a time. One at a time. Leeann had a good idea. She thinks I should do a scrapbook layout of our Best Buy experience. I am planning on taking pictures today in the store if I can get away with it.

Above you will see a project that we did in a class this past week. Leeann and I have taken 3 classes from Courtney DeLaura. We just love her classes and the projects always turn out beautifully. I hope I am able to sit around in my PJs this weekend and catch up on some scrapbook stuff.

More later.

Its a great pumpkin Charlie Brown!

Remember in that Charlie Brown cartoon where Linus sits and waits and waits for the Great Pumpkin to appear. That's kind of how I've been feeling lately. My husband is in the market for a new TV and I am waiting and waiting and waiting for it to appear. He has researched TVs extensively. He knows all there is to know about LCD, DLP, HD, 1080P and whatever other kind of initials TVs have. He tries to include me in his decision. He talks about it at breakfast, he talks about it at dinner, he lies in bed at night talking about it. He has such a soothing voice that many times, he talks me right to sleep. We went tonight for at least the 6th time to Best Buy and as far as I can tell, there is still no decision. Aarrrghh! For God's sake, buy the stupid thing! I wish sometimes that Rick was more like me. When I see something I want, I just buy it. Right then and there. I don't think I have an analytical bone in my body. I am a very impulsive girl. I know what I want and I want it NOW! I never did learn the art of delayed gratification. Its a good thing Rick is like he is or we would probably be in the poor house.

I'm still working out. 4 days a week. I was right, Chanel has slowed down since she's been back in school. Now maybe things will be a little more on an even playing field. I am really proud of the two of us for sticking it out for 3 1/2 weeks. I haven't seen much weight loss but I know that its bound to come. I actually look forward to working out in the mornings. I never thought I would say that!

Marathons? me?

Okay, so I've worked out everyday this week so far, just to try to catch up with Chanel. She called me yesterday at 7 am her time. Had already been out doing 3 miles. When I ask her what in the world she is doing out in 30 degree weather at 7 am, she informs me she is training for the New York Marathon. Hmmmmmm. I love her so much, but she is a bit grandiose sometimes. I don't think she really plans on running in the marathon but she has a definate goal in mind that she wants to be ready to if the opportunity arises. I just can't compete. But its okay. Some girls at work and I have decided that we are going to run in the Race for the Cure this year. Its in October, so I have plenty of time to train for it. I think its only like 5K but I have been pretty sedentary for a long time and it will definately take some training to get ready but I'm pretty sure I can do it. We got a new bed today and as my husband describes it, its "freakishly high". That could be part of my training right there, I have to take a running jump just to get up on it!

Lane Bryant and McDonalds just go together

I had to laugh at myself yesterday. I had a Weight Watchers meeting at noon. It was just funny thinking about all the rituals we go through before a meeting. Its not just me either, its all of us. Like we have to eat a light meal the night before, and no evening snacking because "I have to weigh in tomorrow". The morning of I have to get on the scale 3 times, before my shower, after my shower with my hair wet and right before I leave to go to a meeting. Its amazing how much your weight can change in a matter of hours. No water the morning before the meeting and no food either. That will just add pounds. Then, to dress for the meeting I wear the lightest clothes I have with flip-flops. They take off 2 pounds for your shoes and I can use all the help I can get. So I get to the meeting and guess what? I gained 2 pounds. I gained 2 pounds! Then I was devastated. I mean, I've been working out! Its not fair. Of course, I guess I have to take some responsibility, I did have hot fudge cake this week. And a few other things. lol! Okay, so I haven't been real serious about my eating this week. I guess I should be more conscious about my eating. Really, in the big scheme of things, what's 2 pounds anyway? It's nothing. It's a journey not a race. As long as I don't gain 2 pounds every time I go, I'll be heading in the right direction.

When I gain weight, I get a little depressed. When I am depressed, I go shopping and I eat. So after the meeting, I headed to the nearest fat lady store and was going to buy myself a new pair of jeans. I was headed into the store when I looked up and saw Leeann standing next door. "You are not going in that store!" She knew what I was up to. lol. She is like my angel. Right there for me when I needed her. She pointed out that when I started losing weight, whatever clothes I bought, would be too big soon. And she's right. She doesn't know this but she not only saved me from Lane Bryant, she saved me from McDonald's as well. Like I said, she is my angel.

The bipolar haze

I have had another emotionally exhausting day. Dealing with people's mental health issues day after day after day can really work on you. I love my job, really I do, but I just get worn out sometimes. I guess that's why I like to take lots of vacations, I get emotionally drained and I just need to recharge. My patients don't know I have bipolar disorder. Its a boundary thing. I'm the caretaker and caretakers don't have issues. At least that's what people like to believe. I mean, I don't really have "issues" per se but I certainly can empathize with them. I almost told one of my patients today that I have bipolar disorder. He was telling me that he knows when his mood is not completely stable because he frequently feels like he is in a fog and even his vision is hazy. And I wanted to say I KNOW!! THAT IS SO HOW IT IS!!!!! I wouldn't say I feel foggy that way very often, but it happens often enough that its bothersome. I think sometimes I come across as being dumb or ditzy because of it. Its like my brain is foggy and sluggish and at those times I really have to put a lot of effort into simple conversations to stay on track. So, I wish I could tell my patients that I know exactly how they feel. They so often feel like others don't understand them. That others just don't get it but I do. Other people will say that they have felt that way too, that their memories aren't very good either etc etc. But its not the same. What makes it harder for us is that much of the time, we are perfectly clear. Our thoughts are crisp and sharp and we can conquer the world at times. Then the bipolar haze sets in again.(like today). This is a very frustrating illness to deal with.

Leeann came home from the hospital today! I am so happy for her! Its been a long couple of weeks but life is going to get good for her now! I am seriously going to start dieting now. We are going to be weight loss buddies. Its time to get serious. I have been doing my 45" of exercise 3 days a week. I have been trying to get up in the mornings at 6 but I am so tired in the mornings. My snooze alarm gets hit a lot between 6-7 am! Chanel is not being very fair about this fitness challenge. She is working out 6 times a week! Come on! Who does that? We'll see how she does once school starts back next week.

OH! I almost forgot. GO GATORS!!!! I just love those boys! They have made me proud.

I heard a very profound thing on TV last night. Its not often one hears things worth repeating from TV but this is, I think. It was actually on that show Til Death. If you are married or in a long term relationship and you haven't seen this show, you absolutely must. Its hilarious. Brad Garrett plays in the starring role and he said that in every relationship you have a gardener and you have the flower. The gardener takes care of the flower and the relationship flourishes. I'm not sure I agree that this is always the case but I think that oftentimes it is. I have been fortunate in my life to be both the gardener and the flower in different relationships. The best relationships for me are those where I can be both at different times. Its always nice to take care of others but its also nice to be the one who is taken care of. I must say that in my relationship with my husband, I am definately the flower. My husband is the gardener and the sunshine and the fertilizer all wrapped up in one package. He nurtures me. He is my ray of sunshine and I could never make it in this world without him. He picked me up when I was down 10 years ago and I am ever so grateful for that. It is because of him that I am able to be the gardener for the other beautiful flowers in my life.

So, I'm an emotional girl

I am a very emotional girl. I laugh out loud several times a day. I get overly excited about fun things. I cry in movies. We went to see Rocky the other day with my parents and there was a scene where Rocky was having a pep talk with his son and I was just sobbing! I feel emotions with my total being. Its quite embarrassing sometimes. But its just who I am. I tend to embrace others' joy and their pain and take it on as my own. So this week as my dearest friend has been suffering with pain due to post surgical complications I have really been on an emotional rollercoaster. Although I know I am not struggling like she is, like her family is, I can feel her pain deep in my soul. In order not to let her know how much I am hurting for them, I tend to overcompensate. "Oh! you are just doing great!" "I'm So proud of you for being so brave!" " I'm so very happy to see you're feeling better!!" I think sometimes I come across as being fake but that is not my intention at all. What I really want to say is "I love you so much and I am hurting right here along with you."or "I'm so worried about you that I can't sleep at night." or "Don't you dare scare me like this again!" Things that I can't really say because I know she needs to feel encouragement from me right now. So, I put on my happy face and pray behind closed doors that everything will be okay. Then maybe later, when I am not feeling so emotional, we can talk about it. 'when I'm not feeling so emotional' yeah right, did I mention that I am a very emotional girl?