Don't feel much like smiling today

I searched and searched my iPhoto trying to find a photo of myself not smiling. Weird, I know. But it was very hard to find one. I'm just feeling sad and grumpy today which is so unlike me. I'm usually always smiling.

There are just some things I can't write about in a blog. Life is stressful right now and my emotional bank account has had too many withdrawals by other people lately.

Disney World, I miss you. I would really love to be in the Happiest Place on Earth right now.

mixed blessings

My Aunt Pam was at a conference in Atlanta last week so we decided to go visit Mom and Dad in Florida over the weekend.
The weekend really turned out much better than expected. I LOVE spending time with Pam. She has always been my favorite aunt and like a second mom to me. She is so generous and kind and I want to be just like her when I grow up.

I must say that before we got there to see my Dad at the nursing home on Thursday I was hopeful. Mom had painted a pretty rosy picture of how things were going. I felt like crying when I left there that evening. He was not doing well. I don't think he knew who we were. I couldn't understand a single word he was saying. He kept fidgeting and picking at his blankets. He kept trying to crawl out of bed. It was very discouraging.

Friday morning was not a lot better. It's hard to know if he is really there or not cognitively. He just has a continuous ramble. He gets agitated when we can't understand him.

My mom was not there until late Friday afternoon because she went to west Florida to pick up my second nephew who had been in juvenile detention for the last 9 months. So I had to tell my dad over and over where they were because he forgets things easily. We were in occupational therapy with my dad that afternoon and in walks my nephew. My dad looked up at him and it seemed like it registered who Brandon was immediately and he raised his good arm for a hug. He had tears in his eyes, It was then that I knew that my dad was in there and he was slowly coming out. We all cried. He hadn't been showing affection so it was extra special to watch that interaction.

Saturday, Mom decided to have a BBQ at their home. I couldn't believe how much my dad seemed right at home there. He had his bluegrass music playing. He just kept looking around at everything like he was inspecting. He recognized his cats. When he first got sick he would always ask about his cats. He just smiled his crooked smile and held each of them. He even remembered two of their names. It was a great day. He only got agitated a couple of times.

So we took him back to the nursing home Saturday night and got him all tucked into bed. He just kept jabbering on about who knows what. We can't understand what he's saying unless he gets angry. If that's the case , we can understand every single curse word that comes out of his mouth. :) I was trying to talk to him about the fact that I was leaving on Sunday to go home. And then all of the sudden, he grabs my hand and kisses it and says, "Red,(that's his nickname for me). I love you, I love you, I love you." Clear as day. Like he really knew what he was saying and really meant it. Oh my gosh, that just meant so much to me.

I cried like a baby.

I am amazed by how well my mom is doing. This woman who I always perceived as weaker has really turned out to be very strong. She is in the process of buying them a Doublewide to live in. She has done all of the business-y stuff on her own. She just finds out what needs to be done and she does it. She is not discouraged at all by my dad's progress. She is preparing to care for him when he gets out of the rehab center, and she doesn't seem afraid of the future at all. I don't know where this woman has come from but I am so glad she is here now.

So, it was a good weekend and I am encouraged and hopeful now.

I just need you to take me seriously

I AM going to run the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon in February. For some reason, Rick is not taking me seriously about it. I think that he thinks I won't follow through, that I will lose interest. But I won't. Whenever I start talking about it, I hear about oh you don't want to do that. Oh, no marathons. Oh, it's too pricey. blah blah blah.

The fact of the matter is, I am getting older. I will be 44 yrs old this year. Most runners reach their peak at 34. So, if I wait any longer, the odds are really stacked against me. My knees will start going bad. My hips will hurt. I'll start getting corns on my toes. lol. I need to do this now. I want to be a Disney Princess when I cross the finish line, not an old hag.

So, be aware people, I am going to do this. I would appreciate a few cheerleaders along the way.

"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."--Walter Bagehot

wishing my dad was better

Today is my Mom's birthday. My dad used to always make a really big deal of our birthdays. He would wake us up real early in the morning to sing Happy Birthday to us. He would make us a cake and then when Publix cakes got so good, he would go get us one of those. We would usually cook out and he would burn the hot dogs and hamburgers just how we liked them. One year, knowing how much I love breakfast food, he made me french toast and grilled hot dogs(another favorite) for dinner.

So today is my Mom's birthday and I cried when she told me she tried to get him to sing Happy Birthday to her. And of course, he can't. If I could have been there, I would have sung it. I just wish I was there.

We were in Lowe's today getting some things for around the house. We always got my dad Lowe's gift cards for his birthday. He LOVED them. He loves to build things. Now, it's sad to think that he may never be able to use a Lowe's gift card again. So many things that he may never be able to do again. It's kind of depressing.

I wanna be that girl

The last several months have been horrible for my weight loss. I broke my arm in September after a car accident. It was a long recovery and I wasn't able to work out until November. We had vacation in October. We had Thanksgiving in November. We had vacation in December and also Christmas holidays. I really only worked out maybe 15 days from the end of September until mid-January. Then my dad had his heart attacks, surgeries, strokes and I spent so much time off my regular schedule, stressing. So from September 22 until now I have gained 15 pounds. None of my summer clothes fit. I had to go shopping to buy bigger clothes! I swore I would never do that.

And now, once again, I am saying Enough is Enough! I have worked out almost everyday in the last 3 weeks but I am also not focusing on my eating like I should. So, the weight isn't coming off. So, enough is enough. Time to get it together.

I want to be that girl I see running down the street. I want to just go out for a jog whenever I feel like it. I want to be that girl who hikes up to Mt. LeConte just for something to do on a Saturday. I want to be that girl who runs down Main Street at the Magic Kingdom after just completing the half marathon. I want to be that girl.

And I will be.

I am encouraged

Just spent a few days with my Dad and Mom. I am encouraged after our visit. My dad seems much more alert and he sometimes makes eye contact. His neurologist is saying that he's doing well. He is still in ICU but it's mostly because his rt lung keeps collapsing. We were able to take him outside on two days. He really seemed to enjoy that. He was just looking around, watching the cars go by and the people who were standing around. At one point there was a soft breeze and my dad just laid his head back and enjoyed the feel of it on his face.

Although I am always waiting for the next shoe to drop, right now he is doing well. I am constantly amazed at how strong my father is. He is definitely a fighter.

My Mom is doing better as well. I worry about her spending all of her days at the hospital but she seems to do okay. We have started looking for alternative housing for them for if and when my dad gets out of rehab. She is being a little resistive. I know that change is hard but sometimes necessary. One thing is for sure, they can not stay where they are.

On our way back to Florida

We are headed back to Florida to be with my family today. My dad is still in the hospital in ICU. They have been getting him up in the chair for a couple hours each day. He still has no response on his right side and doesn't follow commands. But Mom said he reached over and grabbed his right arm the other day. I'm kind of anxious about going. It seems the stories and prognosis from the Dr vary from day to day. Here is a pic of Dad up in the chair. It makes me kind of sad to look at it because it doesn't even look like him. He looks sad and worn out.



Mom said they are going to try to take him outside on Thursday. He hasn't been out in the sunshine since January. I think it will do him some good.

It just hit me today

I'm sorry all of my posts have been so negative lately. I try to stay upbeat and optimistic in public. This blog is really the only way I have to vent right now because I'm trying to keep a smile on my face elsewhere.

My dad really isn't doing much better. Mom says sometimes it seems like he is trying to communicate. He will squeeze her hand some. But most of the time, he looks sad and just out of it. Still no movement on his right side. His pneumonia is back. He was aspirating his feeding liquids. Somehow.

So, being the psych nurse I am, I am very concerned about Dad getting depressed. People with Open heart surgery as well as people who have suffered strokes have a very high probability of getting depressed. So I asked mom to talk to his Dr about going ahead and getting him started on an antidepressant. His response was, " those medicines take 4-6 weeks to take effect and well, we just aren't going to do that. " I didn't understand it at all. Why would you not start them? With everything he's been through, of course he's going to be depressed! Why would you not start them?!

And today it hit me. They don't want to start them because they don't think he has 4-6 weeks to live. That's the only reason it could be.

I just don't know how much more of this I can take. My dad had a severe stroke this morning. He had a procedure to remove the clot. He seemed to do okay with it but he was not waking up like they thought he should and they were going to do a CT scan to see if there was another bleed somewhere.

Just the thought of my dad being helpless or impaired from the stroke is almost more than I can take. Then, my mom, who I left the other day in rough shape, finds out her precious dog was hit by a car and died. Now she is so devastated and she is irrational and is suicidal. My sister has 5 boys to raise and she can't afford to take any more time off of work. I was counting on her to kind of keep control of things but she tells me today that she just can't do it anymore. Well, I can't either. I am in Florida every weekend. I am tired. My dad is the patriarch of this family and I just feel like without him to take care of things, everyone is falling apart right before my eyes.

I have responsibilities here. Rick has been so patient but he is neglected. I had committed to helping Chanel with girl scouts and I haven't been able to. Christy will be on maternity leave before long and work needs me. My closest, dearest friend is struggling and i am helpless to help her. It's just too much. My weight is out of control because I never have time to work out. That is making me depressed as well. Been to weight watchers 3 times and I weight more now than when I started.

So, I am off to Florida tomorrow. Sienna will go with me this time . It will be nice to have the company. Sienna is a good nurturer and thats just what I need. A little nurturing.

I have to do this. Just for today I can. Just for today.

...and today all is right with the world

I love this man. This is one of my favorite pictures of us together.

January 15,2010 my dad had his first heart attack. He has since had 2 more. He's been in the hospital all but 3 days out of the last month. All but one of those days has been in ICU. He has had CPR performed on him 3 times. He has had repair of a perforated bowel. He has had Congestive Heart Failure, an adrenal tumor, respiratory arrest, blocked carotid artery, blood pressures in the 223/120 range. They found some sort of mass on his lung. He almost went into insulin shock. Twice he was headed for open heart surgery and something happened that he couldn't do it. He has been out on the roof talking on the phone and also somewhere in Texas, and apparently, according to him, out buying property with Rick. lol. (He got a little loopy in ICU). But through it all, my dad kept fighting. I had all but given up on him a time or two but he never gave up.

He had his open heart surgery yesterday. And today he is doing great!! They took him off the ventilator today. He is alert and trying to talk. It's hard to understand him because he's been intubated for so long. When I go in to see him, I have to have my sister there because she's the only one of us who can understand him and I am so grateful to her. But today, I actually laughed with him. It felt so good. He just laughs and smiles real big. His facial expressions just light up with conversation. I think he is going to pull through and recover just fine. For the first time in 4 weeks, I feel good about things. It's like a ton of bricks has been lifted off of my chest. He had a lot of people praying for him and I'm not really a religious person but there's something to be said for the power of prayer.

I am so grateful.

I want to go home

I have only been home 3 days out of the last 3 weeks. I miss my husband. I miss my kids. I miss my friends and yes, I miss my work. (Never thought I would say that). My dad has been very ill and I have been here in Florida with him. And now, today, I just want to go home. Maybe in a few days.

1st off: Happy things

Things that make me happy #2. Being married. I love being married. Rick and I have been married for 7 years now and I have not regretted my decision one single time. It's wonderful knowing that someone is there for you at the end of the day. It's wonderful being awakened by snoring in the night because if that's happening, you know that you are not alone. It's nice to have someone you can count on no matter what. Rick is the most incredible husband and being his wife makes me very happy.


I have just returned from a week long trip to Florida. My dad had a heart attack and we thought we were going to lose him. He seems to be doing fine now, which is a relief. He will have a quadruple bypass next week. With my dad's illness, I've been thinking a lot about death and dying. It's morbid I know. But when faced with mortality, one can't help but consider things. My mom and I talked a lot about funerals, finances, what to do with his possessions, how life would be without my dad. I think it would be foolish of us to not talk about that stuff. The man runs on a blood pressure of 230/180 and a blood sugar of 400 or greater. I'm glad to know that if anything happens to my dad, my mom will be okay. She is prepared for the worst and hoping for the best. I have seen this week that she is stronger than I have given her credit for. My sister, on the other hand, is a basket case. I thought that my sister would take care of my mom if anything happened to my dad,but it seems things are the other way around. I'm a little surprised by that. My mom can be pretty tough.

My dad is not easy to live with. At the hospital, he had one day where he was in a good mood. I think that was the day that he realized that he could've died. The subsequent days, he was a total grouch. To everyone. Nurses, Doctors, Dieticians, us. It was so hard to sit with him day in and day out listening to his verbal abuse of everyone. I have told my mom that when he has his surgery, we would sit with him in shifts. I just don't think I could take being there with him all day every day again. He wore me down and made me cry once. I don't want to be in that position again. I love him, but sometimes I don't like him very much. I think that is often the case between parents and their children.

So, I'll keep you updated. I'm not looking forward to the surgery next week.

Things that make me happy

Happy New Year! This year I have decided to try to do something different. I've been doing a lot of soul searching since Christmas. Chanel gave me a memoir for Christmas that has really got me thinking.

The book is called, "Thin is the New Happy" By Valerie Frankel. This book was just what I needed right now. In the book, Ms. Frankel began dieting at age 11. Same as me. She was only mildly overweight then but kids in school teased her, her mom obsessed with her weight and pretty soon her whole life revolved around her weight and dieting. Same as me. Starting at age 11. Isn't that insane? Like Ms. Frankel my battle with my weight has gone on my entire life. I had convinced myself that I would reach some sort of Nirvana just as soon as I reached my goal weight. I constantly think about food, how many calories are in it, how many fat grams, how many ounces I am eating, how much I would have to work out to burn off those calories. I talk about it all the time. I know my family and friends are tired of hearing me talk about it all the time. I am constantly on the quest for true happiness in a size 8. But, like Ms.Frankel, I have come to realize that I am truly happy. Here. Now. With this 190 pound body.

In the book, she comes to this realization and decides that she is no longer going to let thoughts of weight and diet permeate her life. She just stops dieting. She makes a conscious decision to eat when she's hungry, stop when she's full and exercise 4 days a week. Guess what? She lost weight and she was much more relaxed and happy. She even stopped weighing herself. So that is my new philosophy: Stop dieting, be happy.

I have decided to focus instead on the many, many things in my life that make me happy. So, every week this year I am going to post about things that make me smile. I'm going to work on a happiness scrapbook that I hope to have completed at the end of the year with photos of the plethora of things that bring me joy.

So for today, one thing that makes me happy are these. Pink Converse Tennis shoes. Oh how I wanted these for Christmas. Leeann has some white ones that are just darling with capris and ever since I saw her wearing them I have been on the quest to have some pink ones. I received these from Chanel for Christmas and I just think they are so cool!

Have a great day!

Change is coming

Had a meeting with our practice administrator today for my annual review. He didn't want to give me a raise. Now, mind you, I could understand this if I was a worthless employee. But I'm not. He didn't want to give me a raise because I am only part time and he thinks I am already overcompensated for being a part time employee, that I do an outstanding job when I am at work, but I'm not at work much. I work 23-25 hours per week. He also said that some of the other employees are wanting to follow my lead and go part time as well, and well...he has a business to run and he just can't let that happen.

I have been with this company for 11 years. I think that entitles me to working part time if I want to and it's never been a problem before, it's just that now others want it too. So, in order for it to be easier to say no to these other employees, starting in March, he wants me to go Full time. He also pointed out to me that when I go full time, there won't be 3 or 4 vacations per year. Oh, and also, I can't take vacation at my normal April time next year because Christy will be on maternity leave. Never mind that they just hired a medical assistant to take her place. I personally don't see how her maternity leave should affect my vacation. He said that I was giving him even more gray hair with all these vacations that I take.

So, I am not going back full time. I think I would go insane if I had to do what I do every day. I guess that means I am going to be on the lookout for another job. Change is good most of the time. It should be okay.

By the way, he did give me a raise, but made it clear that the raises would not be routine anymore, unless of course I went full time. After all, as much as he likes me personally, he has a business to run.

I am healed

Went to the Dr on Tuesday. According to the x-rays, my fractures are healed. I couldn't believe it when he told me because I still hurt so much. But, I saw the hard evidence and the bone is all grown back together. So I am having to work through the pain and use my arm more and actually, two days later, I have only had to take 6 ibuprofen today as opposed to 12 most other days. I think using it more has helped.

I couldn't believe the changes in my mood and attitude just knowing that it was safe to use my arm again. I didn't realize how down I had gotten. But yesterday, at work when I was able to do my own blood pressures, write out my own notes and prescriptions, it was like a total burden had been lifted. It was taking all of my energy at work just to write a note during and interview before but now it's so much better. Though it hurts, I don't have to worry about re-injuring the arm so I can deal with it better.

Rick has been gone all this week to Las Vegas. He comes home tomorrow. I thought I would have all this free time to myself but boy, was I wrong. I had all these plans of things I wanted to do, places I wanted to shop, movies I wanted to see. Tonight is the first night I've had to just sit and watch TV. I've spent a lot of time with the girls and with friends this week and I have really enjoyed it but it's exhausting. I will be so glad when Rick comes home so we can get back into our normal routine of plopping down in front of the TV when we get home. I've missed him. :)

just a little whining

Okay, I admit it now. I am starting to get depressed. People keep asking me this and I'm like "no no I'm fine." But it's been tough. I'm not one to whine. I'm usually totally up beat and positive about life but this pain and lack of functioning of my left (and dominant) arm is starting to get to me.

I went back to the Dr. the other day because the pain seems to be getting worse and not better. First I saw the PA and she was like, he never put you in a cast? Like she just couldn't believe it. But no, I have always been in this splint and in thus splint, I have the ability for movement and since its my dominant hand, it's hard not to move it. The Dr also said he didn't see any healing yet and that there was a 1-2mm shift in the fracture. So, I absolutely am not to use this arm at all.

Yesterday at work, I was hurting a lot, so Dr R suggested we tape my fingers so I was not tempted to move my wrist. So we did that. Which affected everything I did. I couldn't write, I tried to write with my right hand and it took me two minutes to write a one line entry. and it was illegible. No one could read anything I wrote all day. I couldn't do vitals, so I had to constantly interrupt everyone else to come and help me. I couldn't fix my plate at lunch. I can't cut up my food. I can't even button and unbutton my own pants so I can go pee. It's not so bad when Rick or Sienna are helping me do that but it's different when it's the girls at work.I just felt like I was a constant annoyance to everybody yesterday and I only worked 1/2 a day. Today was to be a full day of clinic and I just could not make myself go to work today.

I haven't been able to work out in over three weeks and I am really missing that. I feel like a slug. I just want my regular life back.

Enough whining for now. :)

Once again, so much to catch up on.

I am typing this entry with one hand while we are taking a break from Disney for the afternoon. This is what we do on our afternoons when we are here in Orlando. Rick goes and takes a nap and since I can never sleep during the day, I sit out here and waste time. But I've decided to try to be productive today. You see, it's been about a month since I've written in my blog and what a busy month it's been!

The reason I am typing with one hand is because I have been injured in a car accident. My left arm is broken in 3 places and my right arm is injured as well with burns from the airbag. Last Tuesday, after working out, I went by the Burger King to get some breakfast, ( shame on me), and as I was driving home, I was plowed into by a red Toyota Camry. He says his light was green. I'm not really sure, but I am almost positive my light was green. The accident was frightening and I am currently still in a lot of pain. But they tell me it gets better so I'm trying to be patient.
Poor Rick has had to be my nursemaid. Until yesterday, I couldn't even fasten my own britches. This is very embarrassing when one has to leave the bathroom at Disney World with her pants unzipped and unbuttoned because it hurts too bad to twist her hand that way. Rick had to take me to a quiet corner to button me up. lol. I look like a hag because I can't fix my hair. Rick, bless his heart, tried to put my hair up in a pony tail but it didn't work very well. Thank goodness for baseball caps. He cuts up my food for me, he carries my backpack, he dresses my arm. He is so good.

Disney is so fun, as always. Rick has put restrictions on what rides I can ride but that's okay. There is so much to see and do here besides riding rollercoasters. Disney is my most favorite vacation spot and I have fun just being here.

Some other big news that I have to share is that Chanel is now living in Knoxville!!!!! OMG I am so glad to have her home! I know it is meant to be that she is home because she got to keep her same job! They like her so much that they offered to let her work from home in Knoxville!!! So we got her set up in an adorable apartment in North Knoxville. She really likes it there. I have been so busy this month that I haven't had a lot of time to spend with her but I will definitely make up for it after Disney.

Last weekend I went to Dallas for Jim's wedding. I got to meet Diane for the first time and I must say that I absolutely love her! She has 3 kids who are adorable, Eric is 18, Emily is 11 and Daniel is 6. Such good kids. She has really done a good job with them. Jim is so lucky to have Diane. She is happy, down to earth and beautiful. He seems very happy and I am glad to see it. My nephew Jimmy was there. I hadn't seen him in about 7 or 8 yrs. He is such a good kid and we had a good time drinking beer and margaritas together. :) I've missed him. He joined the Air Force after high school and has been in Iraq. Now he is home and safe and living in N. Dakota but he is hoping to get shipped out to Afghanistan. I don't really understand why he wants to go but I am really proud of his bravery.

My Aunt Pam came down for Jim's wedding. I know it meant a lot to him that she came all the way from Michigan. I was so happy to get to spend some time with her. In my eyes she has always been a second mom to me and I feel blessed to have her in my life.

So that's a quick run down of things going on. I'll try to keep up with this thing a little better in the future.

I'm just bursting!

Chanel and Steve broke up a couple of weeks ago. And though I am sad for her heartache, I think it's for the best. Now she has decided to take a leap of faith and come home to Knoxville to live. I am so so happy about this! I miss her terribly and I just think she needs to be here with family and friends who love her.

She is flying in on Saturday for a visit and for an interview with the Red Cross on Monday. Working for a non-profit is really what she wants to do (much to Rick's chagrin) so I hope they really like her. Even if she doesn't get that job, I think she is just going to go ahead and move here. It will be easier for her to find a job when she is here.

I can't wait to see her on Saturday!! I haven't seen her since June which seems like it was a lifetime ago. She makes me happy and I have already made all kinds of plans for the things we can do together when she moves here.

Of course, when I talked to her about flying here for the interview, she hasn't any extra money. Things are kind of tough for her right now. So I told her I would talk to Rick about getting a plane ticket. I did talk to Rick about it and he was very hesitant. The Red Cross doesn't pay very much and he thinks it's silly to pay for her to fly here for a job prospect that doesn't pay very much. He was resistent. He knew that I really wanted to see her though. But he just couldn't get is head wrapped around the concept of flying her here for that interview. So he said, " I just can't bring myself to pay for a plane ticket for a job making only __per year, I'm sorry....However, I think it would be great to buy her a ticket just to come and visit." So she is coming for a "visit" and it just so happens that she has an interview during her visit. lol. That's how Rick rationalized it in his head. And may I just say, I have the most awesome husband in the world.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I just have to say, I have the best husband, friends and family that anyone could ever have. Birthdays are kind of a big deal for me. When I was growing up, my dad always made sure we had wonderful birthdays and they are still very important to me. It's kind of nostalgic.

Treat 1: On Friday, Rick spoiled me as always. He just keeps giving and giving and giving. He gave me a Kindle, more training sessions with my trainer and a shopping spree. And that's not all, I've also had like 3 birthday dinners! You see, with me, it's not just a birthday, it's a birthday weekend.

Treat 2: Saturday, I used Rick's birthday money to go shopping with Sienna. I got the most beautiful Jessica Simpson purse. It is Patent leather leopard print! I think it's beautiful! Its so me! Saturday night, we went out with two of our best friends, Don and Leeann. We always have so much fun with them! They make me laugh and I love that. The gifts from them were wonderful, including a gift card only to be used when I go to visit Chanel. Leeann knows how much I miss Chanel and I hope I get to use that gift card soon. We went to Side Splitters again after dinner. Leeann and I are both trying to limit our calorie intake so I was wondering how funny it would be this time with us not drinking alcohol. (I did have 1/2 a beer) Our headliner, Julie Scoggins, was so very funny! we were rolling with laughter! So, even without alcohol it was great!

Treat 3: On Sunday, my treat was having breakfast twice! I LOVE breakfast! I wish I could eat it with every meal sometimes. We had IHOP for breakfast and Cracker Barrel for dinner.

The best treats of all: Today, my actual birthday, I went first thing to swim at the pool. Then at 10 I went to Ross the Boss Spa and had the most wonderful hour long massage. Amy is the lady who always does my massages and her hands are magic. So, relaxing. After the massage, I took a long hot shower in a shower that had 5 shower heads! Felt so good!
I also had a nice visit with Kimi while I had a pedicure. So, everything is good and I'm am all chilled and relaxed and I go to pay and Courtney says "you're all taken care of, Shara called and paid for it." omg, I was like, really? She paid for me? really? I couldn't believe it. Such a wonderful birthday surprise!

Then..best of all....There is this dress at Torrid that I absolutely love. It came out at the beginning of summer and I thought it was too expensive. I kept going back to look at it...still not on sale. I even put it on my Amazon wish list. I talk about that dress all the time. LOVE that dress. I just looked at it last week. Still not on sale and there were only two left in the store. And lo and behold, Sienna walked into my house today with that DRESS!!! And guess what? It was on sale when she got it today! It went on sale on my birthday! I was meant to have that dress!!! lol. I meant to take a pic today but forgot. I plan on wearing it all the time. LOVE THAT DRESS!

Up to this point, I haven't had birthday cake. I'm really trying to watch what I eat, but I really wanted birthday cake. and I wanted Carrot Cake. So Gondolier has the best carrot cake ever so that's where we went to eat dinner. But when we got there, there was no carrot cake in the case. I was very disappointed. But when I asked, the server said, "you're in luck. We just put the carrot cake out." Yay for us!!

So this has been a wonderful birthday weekend. I am so grateful for everyone who loves me and who cares about me enough to help me to have a happy birthday. Thanks everyone!

It was time to get moving

So, I've been working out for the last month. Every day but one. I finally got to work out with my trainer this morning and she about killed me but now I feel so good! She had wanted me to work out in the pool and I was very nervous about it because I am just an average swimmer and she said she wanted me to swim 1,000 yards and then do some water aerobics stuff. I'm like, 1,000 yards? You have got to be kidding me. She says that is the fastest and easiest way to get the weight off. I am all about getting these last 30 pounds off so I'm up for anything. But with the thunder and lightning this morning the pool was closed so I thought I might get a reprieve but, not so much. She pushed me harder than I ever thought I could go and I am so proud of myself for not quitting.
I still want to do the 1/2 marathon at Disney. Rick wants me to just give it up. He's afraid it will be too hard on my knees to train for it. But I really want to do it. My trainer, Stephanie, thinks I can get ready in time. I'm going to do the Princess one at Disney in March. The reason I had stopped running is because my knees did hurt but mostly because Rick said my breasts bounced too much. And while he enjoyed watching, I didn't want everyone else to. :) So, I have invested in Super Duper sports bras. They were very expensive but boy, what a difference!. So, since I have those, I am geared up to train again. It's very exciting. If I can just get this weight off, it will be so much easier.
I feel so much better working out every day. My energy is great. I am sleeping well and I don't require as much sleep as I did. My cognition is improved so work is better and my mood is happy. I read that book awhile back, "Younger Next Year for Women."".And that has really motivated me to get moving. I want to live a long time. My 43rd birthday is in 10 days and I want to be around to celebrate 43 more and I think exercise is the key.
So I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing.