I just don't know how much more of this I can take. My dad had a severe stroke this morning. He had a procedure to remove the clot. He seemed to do okay with it but he was not waking up like they thought he should and they were going to do a CT scan to see if there was another bleed somewhere.

Just the thought of my dad being helpless or impaired from the stroke is almost more than I can take. Then, my mom, who I left the other day in rough shape, finds out her precious dog was hit by a car and died. Now she is so devastated and she is irrational and is suicidal. My sister has 5 boys to raise and she can't afford to take any more time off of work. I was counting on her to kind of keep control of things but she tells me today that she just can't do it anymore. Well, I can't either. I am in Florida every weekend. I am tired. My dad is the patriarch of this family and I just feel like without him to take care of things, everyone is falling apart right before my eyes.

I have responsibilities here. Rick has been so patient but he is neglected. I had committed to helping Chanel with girl scouts and I haven't been able to. Christy will be on maternity leave before long and work needs me. My closest, dearest friend is struggling and i am helpless to help her. It's just too much. My weight is out of control because I never have time to work out. That is making me depressed as well. Been to weight watchers 3 times and I weight more now than when I started.

So, I am off to Florida tomorrow. Sienna will go with me this time . It will be nice to have the company. Sienna is a good nurturer and thats just what I need. A little nurturing.

I have to do this. Just for today I can. Just for today.