This is going to be like a fairytale to me. Chanel left a sweet card for me today and she gave me a sort of pep talk and was thanking me for being an inspiration to her. It made me smile. I want to be that mom. I want the girls to look up to me and strive to be like me. Nothing could make me happier. I want them to want to be Princesses right beside me.

I'm leaving tomorrow morning at 5:30!

I have had butterflies in my tummy all day. I am so excited/nervous, though a little less stressed than yesterday.

My mom won't be coming down for the weekend. It kind of upsets me but it's just typical of her. She said she really can't afford it ( I had already told her I would pay her way)... that they wouldn't have any fun just standing around waiting for us to finish. (Heaven forbid she do anything for/with me that isn't any fun). So, my feelings are a little hurt because it would be nice to have someone there at the finish line for us but at least this way it saves me probably hundreds of dollars and I don't have to stress over whether she's having a good time or not. I just have to say it. My Aunt Pam never lets me down and she will be right there beside me. Love that woman.

On a good note...One exciting thing I am looking forward to for the next 3 days...carb loading! have to build up those energy reserves. Olive Garden, here I come. Woohoo! I'm not going to go crazy but I am putting weight watchers on hold for the next 5 days. how exciting! To go 5 days without obsessing about what I'm eating is a vacation in itself!

LOL this is how I feel some days! It really had been kind of stressing me out. But at the end of the day, I don't have to be fast. I just have to be less slow than the 16min/mile pace. I think I can do that.

One week from today I will be at EPCOT. I'm so excited!
A few struggles in the last few days though.
Both of my lower legs are hurting. I have no idea why. I haven't done anything different. I took my rest days this week because I didn't want to risk injury. I don't usually take rest days, except on Mondays after my long run. So, I'm supposed to do my last long run tomorrow and I don't know if I will be able to or if I should, My worst fear right now is that I will get injured and not be able to do the race. (though sometimes I secretly wish I wasn't doing the race) :) But if I don't do the long run, how will I know if I am ready? I don't know what to do. I have asked for advice from experienced runners and am waiting with baited breath to hear what they have to say.

I also did a very dumb thing yesterday. Rick asked me to go walking with him after dinner last night. I want to encourage him to have activity so I was happy to go. Only problem was that I was in flip flops and now I have blisters. Stupid. So I have to hope they will heal up in the next week.

I am so afraid of something going wrong! Poor Sienna is sick and needs me to go up there and get her some food but I just can't. I can't get sick right now. I know, I'm a bad mom. But I just feel like I have to be selfish now.

I started getting stuff ready to pack today!

having a little bit of anxiety to say the least

So I'm just thinking all day ...but what if I can't? What if I fail? What if I get injured? What if the sweepers get me? What if I oversleep? What if I can't sleep? What if I forget my ambien? What if my luggage is lost? What if I miss my flight? What if I am just too out of shape? What if I can't keep up with Aunt Pam? What if I get diarrhea? What if I get sick between now and then? What if my iPod doesn't work? What if they run out of water at the water stops? What if they run out of medals? What if I don't finish and don't get a medal? What if I am so sore I can't walk in the parks after the race? What should I eat? What should I not eat? What if the kids come? What if the kids don't come? How am I going to text to everyone if my phone doesn't work? Should I carry my phone and my camera or just my phone? What if the phone or the camera doesn't work and I don't have the other one? What if I forget to pack the right socks? What if I leave my waiver at home? Should I take advil before the race or during or after? How will we get to the Expo? Will we catch the bus on time? Will it be cold? Will I need a jacket? should I bring black trash bags to keep warm in or just a jacket? Should I wear a tiara or should I just wear my Bondi Band with a picture of a tiara? What if my shoelace breaks? What if my nose keeps running and I forget my tissue? Am I going to wear the tutu or not? What if the tutu chafes my arms? What if people are mean to me because I am so slow? What if Pam is impatient with me? How am I going to deal with my mother when she is there?

What if I can't do it?

I just want to express today how grateful I am that I have a body that I can push to limits I never thought possible and still be okay. Gosh, it's just incredible. I did 12 miles today. I could barely walk up the hill to the car. But I did 12 miles. Wow. Never thought I could ever do it. Never thought I could. It brings tears to my eyes to think about it.

Can't get no satisfaction

I can't get no satisfaction,
I can't get no satisfaction.
cuz I try and I try and I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no....


Talking to Rick today. I was telling him that when I was 293# I always said if only I could get to 200# I'd be satisfied. Then when I was 200# I said if only I could get to 180# I'd be satisfied. I made it to 182. So then I gained over 20# and I said, if I could only just be fit and healthy I'd be satisfied. Now I am fit and healthy......not satisfied. So, I'm going through all this with Rick and he said, sounds to me like you just need to quit worrying about your weight and work on just being satisfied. As Chanel always says, Rick is a very wise man. Why am I never satisfied?