ponderings

I have been sick this week but I seem to be coming out of it. I've had a lot of time on my hands to think about things. When you don't have any strength or energy, the easiest thing to do it just veg out and think about your life. So that's what I have been doing. Here are some things that have been on my mind.
1. I really like being home. I don't want to work anymore. I am going to try to figure out some way that I can make that happen. I've just been disenheartened by my job lately and I'm really kind of over it. Or, if it can't work that I can stop working, then I need to start working at something else. I would even be willing to give up my biannual trips to Disney World.
2. Aside from Rick, I only have one friend in this world who will tell me to suck it up or get it together. It's funny how people are. People are so afraid that you will get mad at them that they will most of the time just tell you what you want to hear. And most of the time, that is fine. But sometimes, its just perfect to have a friend who will bitch-slap you and tell you to quit whining and deal with it. I am lucky to have that kind of a friend.
3. My dad, gruff and ornery as he is, loves me intensely. He has called me every day this week to basically tell me to get my ass to the Dr. But I know that he was really struggling with worry and it makes me smile to think about him. He really is a softie underneath. I've been thinking a lot about when I was growing up with him as my dad.
4. I really can't let my mommy guilt continue to rule my life. It is my fault Danny and I divorced. I beat myself up about it all the time. I keep trying to make the guilt go away in my mind but it is always there. It tears me up sometimes. I know my kids have struggled because of my choices. But, damn, that was 13 years ago. Let it go, already.
5. I really want to laugh more. And the way to do that is to surround myself with people who laugh. I wish I had more time to spend with my friends. Again, if I didn't have to work.....
6. I nag Rick too much. Mostly about his health. I wish he would take better care of himself. But nagging just makes him put up a wall and so there is no benefit. So, I can just lead by example. I will get healthy and I will get this weight off and hopefully then, he will want to do the same.

So there have been lots of things going through my mind these last few days. Alot of them thanks to Dr. Phil. lol. I have watched so much TV this week. You just can't imagine how much. I'd watch a little, sleep a little, watch a little....
Those are just a few of my ponderings this week. There are so many more of course, but I'm sure you are bored enough already. :)