I am leaving Florida tomorrow. I really think that this will be the last time I see my dad alive.

I went to church today with my mom. I hadn't been in a long time but I felt like I needed to go today for her. It was nice. I saw many of the women who were friends of my parents while I was growing up. My parents used to be very social and I have great memories of camp outs, card nights, barbeques, bible schools etc with these women in my life. In seeing these women today, I saw wonderful memories. Memories of my parents before heart attacks, before COPD, before joint pain and before diabetes.

My dad is frail now. And weak. And dying...maybe not right now this week but soon. And I just needed those memories today in church so that I could remember him as the man he once was.

My parents didn't have the best marriage and I know many times they both were wishing for divorce. I don't pretend our life as a family was rosy all the time. But today I was sitting in the hospital room and my mom was holding my dad's head against her chest and he was just so peaceful there while she stroked his cheek. It was touching to watch and the love was definitely there.

So we shall see how things go.